A bit of Orange Friday Frivolity

Scenario: State Fair Day with the G's! (to build team morale....)

The One Who Eats A Deep Fried Twinkie:
Pablo Sandoval

The One Who Goes Down The Giant Slide:
Brandon Crawford

The One Who Goes Crazy On The Water Bumper Cars:
Angel Pagan (you can see it in his eyes)

The One Who Takes A Picture With All Those Figures That You Put Your Head In (we have no idea what these are called)
Sergio Romo

The One Who Spends All His Time In The Livestock Area:
Madison Bumgarner

The One Who Can't Be Dragged Away From The Toy Helicopter Booth In The Vendor Halls:
Ryan Vogelsong

The One Who Spends A Thousand Dollars On Ring Toss To Win A Goldfish For His Wife:
Brandon Crawford (You know he would)

The One Who Sits Down At The Kids' Table In The Sun Maid Hall And Colors Pictures Of Fruit (this won't make sense unless you've been this year):
Brian Wilson or Jeremy Affeldt

The One Who Orchestrates The Group Pictures Next To The Pair Of Golden Bears By The Main Entrance:
Matt Cain

The One Who Is Putting Way Too Much Thought Into Choosing Between Brands of Jacuzzis:
Buster Posey

The One Who Keeps Returning To The Pretzel Dip Booth:
Joaquin Arias (We realized we hadn't chosen him for anything, and because who doesn't like free dip??)

The One Who Photobombs Strangers On Purpose:
Pablo Sandoval (with his fried twinkie), tag-teaming with Sergio Romo

The One Who Photobombs Strangers On Accident:
George Kontos (He just looks like that guy that's in all your pictures)

The One Who Thought Everyone Was Meeting At The West Gate When They Were Actually Meeting At The Center Stage:
Emmanuel Burriss

The One Who Sneaks Off To The Demolition Derby:
Melky Cabrera, Brandon Belt

The One Who Sneaks Off To The Rodeo:
Matt Cain, Madison Bumgarner

The One Who Throws Up On The Roller Coaster:
Pablo Sandoval (it was the deep fried Twinkie that did it)

The One Who Buys Too Many Souvenirs For His Kids:
Freddy Sanchez (because we miss him. Like, a lot.)

Aaaaaand, on to our favorite part of the Fair - Face Painting!
Yes, we are very aware that some of these are obvious.  Just go with it.
Sandoval: A panda
Belt: A baby giraffe
Blanco: Shark jaws
Cain: A work horse
Zito: A dragon
Vogelsong: The Japanese character for Courage or something as equally pretentious symbolic
Lopez: A book with the title written in Latin on the cover
Pagan: A white angel wing on one side of his face, a black angel wing on the other side
Melky: A milk bottle and a cap
Crawford: "I'm Not Stamos" or a pink balloon that says "It's A GIRL!"
Affeldt: A meat patty with a circle/slash *snicker*
Lincecum: A ganja plant
Bumgarner: As if he would ever get his face painted!
Bochy: A fishing boat
Buster: Catcher's gear
Huff: The rally thong
Theriot: Yeah, we got nothin'. We're open to ideas.
Schierholtz: A cannon or a Wells Fargo wagon
Romo: A smiling mouth with big goofy teeth or an arrow pointing up
Wilson: A beard. Oh, wait....
Flemming: The Stanford mascot
Kruk: A sad looking rib-eye on the bench
Kuip: "I'm With Him" pointing towards Kruk
Mr. Miller: "I'm The Best Broadcaster In The History Of The Game!"

Choose Your Own Giant Premiere

Our premiere scenario is a spy novel involving an attempted assassination.
We hope you can figure out the casting pool on your own.

The President:
Matt Cain.  Duh.

FBI Director:
Ryan Theriot. He would have to get a haircut first.

Head of the President's Security Detail:
Buster Posey. Because he doesn't know how to smile.

The One Who Takes the Bullet for the President:
Buster Posey or Pablo Sandoval (we have our own reasons for each one, you can expect the dissertation to be completed some time next year)

The One Who Discovers The Plot:
Javier Lopez. Was there any question about this?

The Undercover Operative:
Barry Zito. Self-explanatory.

The informant:
Gregor Blanco, aka The White Shark. Because he already has the most spylike nickname.

The Sniper:
Ryan Vogelsong or Angel Pagan. We argued over this. Pagan is only the sniper if he was fed false intel, because his first name would obviously shield him from evil. However, that last name is a problem we can't ignore. The other proposal is that Vogey is the evil mastermind. Come on, you know he could pull it off.

Henchman of The Evil Mastermind:
Hector Sanchez. We can't come up with a reason for this.

The Struggling Impressionable Youth Who Got Caught Up In The Plot:
Tim Lincecum. *sad face*

Friend of The Struggling Impressionable Youth Who Got Caught Up In The Plot:
Brandon Belt.

News anchor:
Nate Schierholtz.  Just because.

On location reporter:
Brandon Crawford. That is all.

The Children's Figure/Host Who Fills The Mr.Rodgers Role In This Tragedy:
Sergio Romo, AKA Uncle Sergio.  Because we think he would look good in a sweater. (that isn't the real reason...)

The Religious Figure/Chaplain Who Comforts the Country:
Jeremy Affeldt. Because we support positive stereotypes.

The Cowboy Agent Who Makes the Collar:
Madison Bumgarner. Because we support amusing stereotypes.

The Guy Sitting At Home Yelling At The News Coverage And Reaching For His Shotgun:
Bochy. Yes, we support gun control.

The Doctor/Surgeon Who Attends The President:
Aubrey Huff. Because he's a baritone, and if you have to be told that the President is going into surgery, it might as well be from a baritone. Right?

The Interrogator:
Brian Wilson's Beard. You're welcome.

So, leave us your thoughts. We love to argue.

PS - We spent way too much time trying to figure out how Melky Cabrera fits in here, so.....he's just The Melk Man.

This blog is a display of Whimsy.  We're nice people.  We like to laugh.  Check back on Friday evenings for something new. :)